Conflict . . . nobody enjoys conflict. Unfortunately the world is filled with conflict.
At one of the churches I previously served in my ministry, during the winter months, the women’s fellowship served a monthly soup supper for the whole community. It was a big deal. The women took it seriously and had developed a routine in how things were to be done. Everything was to be done exactly by the letter of the law . . . including how the soup was made and what the ingredients were. There was no room for deviation . . . none whatsoever.
For many years this was not a problem. Then one year the church experienced the big “vegetable soup controversy”. It was an innocent mistake. One of the new ladies in the church volunteered to “soup sit”--you know, sit in the kitchen all day long and watch the soup cook. As she sat there, watching all those pans of soup cook, she got an idea. She decided she would add all the fresh frozen corn she had at home to the vegetable soup . . . and, that is what she did. She didn’t ask anyone, she just did it. She dumped all of her corn into the vegetable soup.
Things were fine until one gentleman from the community came up to a group of the women to compliment them on the wonderful vegetable soup . . . he especially liked the corn that made it so tasty. The women were flabbergasted . . . there was no corn in the vegetable soup! Jumping up from their seats they ran to the kitchen, looked in the vegetable soup pot and saw yellow kernels of corn intermingled all with all the other vegetables. Blasphemy had been committed . . . a heresy discovered.
Needless to say, what followed was not pleasant. The new lady--the corn offender--was called to the carpet and read the riot act. Not knowing the rules and traditions of the soup supper, she was nearly in tears when she confessed adding the corn. She didn’t think that she was hurting anything . . . besides corn is a vegetable and deserves its place in vegetable soup. Which, of course, did not satisfy the women’s fellowship. In the end it cost the women’s fellowship a member, and nearly cost the church a family. It was several months before the offender showed her face at the church again.
I guess that is one way to handle conflict.
Though Jesus uses the word “sin” in our reading this morning, I think that he was actually attempting to deal with the issue of conflict and what one is to do when he or she comes into conflict with another. And, then again, I might be making a broad assumption . . . but, I don’t think so.
Whenever two people do not agree on something, they enter into conflict with one another. Each thinks that he or she is right, and that the other is wrong. They let each other know it . . . arguments ensue . . . it is life or death. The other is committing a “sin” in not believing the correct way. For example: Was it a “sin” to put corn in the vegetable soup? Of course not, but you would have thought that someone had spit on Jesus the way the other women reacted. The offender had committed a sin! They were more than willing to point that out.
When it comes to what we believe and think is right, we are ready to fight for it . . . especially with those who do not believe or think as we do. This creates conflict. In encountering conflict we typically do one of three things . . . we fight, we flight or run away, or we freeze. To freeze is to be caught off guard and not know how to respond. None are really helpful when it comes to conflict resolution because nothing gets resolved to everyone’s satisfaction. In these means the relationship is broken . . . shattered . . . ruined. Where there is no mutual agreement or understanding, there is no relationship. Which is wrong, especially for those of us who proclaim to be the followers of Jesus. With Jesus relationship is everything.
It is all about relationships . . . about creating unity . . . about being one in God’s love. Jesus affirms the power of relationships when he states: “. . . I tell you that if two of you on earth agree on anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name,there I am with them.”
Relationships begin with understanding. To resolve conflict there must be understanding. Understanding is the foundation from which intimacy and growth take place . . . from which new possibilities abound . . . and, from which community--common unity is discovered. To this we are called as the followers of Jesus.
In our reading this morning, in each of the situations Jesus shares, he suggests that conversation take place . . . where ideas, thoughts, beliefs are shared . . . where listening is vital. If you are in conflict with another, go and have a conversation with that person. Conversation is a back and forth sort of thing where one person speaks while the other listens. Questions are asked. Clarification is sought. And, there is also silence . . . silence to consider what is heard, to discern, to clarify, and to discuss some more until there is understanding on the part of both. This is where you begin when it comes to conflict . . . you begin with conversation.
You begin with conversation and you continue in conversation until there is understanding and agreement. This is reconciling . . . there are no winners or losers, there is a common agreement and understanding that is acceptable to all involved. This is what Jesus is referring to in our reading this morning. This is why he states that if two can agree on anything, it can be . . . God will grant it. Why? Because this is the way God wants it . . . it is God’s way. This is what Jesus would do.
As the followers of Jesus we are called to be the presence of Jesus in the world . . . to walk in his footsteps . . . and, to love and minister as he did. We are to have conversation . . . we are to seek understanding . . . and, we are to arrive at reconciliation. We are to do all of that with those who we are in conflict with.
Putting corn in vegetable soup seems logical to me . . . and, like the gentleman who started the whole fracas, I agree that the corn did make the soup even better. There were a lot of angry women in that kitchen, and one poor lady who was scared to death. Her reasoning for the corn in the soup was well intentioned, but skirted the tradition and rules of the women’s fellowship soup supper protocol. Kind of got nasty there for a few tense moments. Both sides had their reasons, but the women were not going to hear the reasoning behind it. Was the conflict resolved to everyone’s satisfaction?
Not hardly. The women chose to fight and in fighting nothing was resolved. The fellowship lost their newest member . . . the church nearly lost the woman and her family . . . she ran. So what would have happened if they had been willing to sit down and talk . . . to have conversation . . . to seek an understanding of what could be done? I believe that resolution would have come about . . . reconciliation would have occurred . . . that the women’s fellowship would have grown stronger.
But, we don’t know because it never happened that way. For my last couple of years there, there was no corn in the soup. Rumor has it that the matriarchs of that church hung on tight to their traditions and rules concerning the soup fellowship . . . and, that they still don’t allow corn in the vegetable soup. If only they understood . . . if they understood Jesus and his call to come to relationship . . . to be one through him and his example. Then maybe they would have discovered God’s unity and oneness as the children of God . . . they would have been in the presence of Christ. But, no . . . they rather have their vegetable soup without the corn.
If we all only understand one another, imagine what a wonderful world this would be. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment